Tag Archives: The Hoof

The Hoof on the Street: Caffeine Addiction

Star reporter Cornish Pastries ventured out into some of Cal Poly’s caffeine hot spots to investigate the truth behind the serious problem of student caffeine addiction.

 

The Hoof Relationship Advice: Ask Evonne

How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work: 7 Ways to Keep the Spark Alive

The Mustang Daily relationship advice column, Ask Alicia, recently published a story entitled “Long-distance relationships: Romantic or doomed?”  essentially explaining that long-distance relationships are dumb and are usually bound to fail.

Alicia Freeman, the highly qualified giver of this relationship advice admits in the first two paragraphs that she herself has never even been in a long-distance relationship.  As someone who has been in one (failed) long distance relationship, I am clearly much more qualified, and I am here to tell you that long-distance relationships CAN work.  All you have to do is follow these 7 tips.

1. Don’t visit each other.  As the old cliche says, “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”  Seeing your significant other often or at all just makes you want to be with each other more, which is impossible, thanks to the distance.

Also, most long-distance couples who are reunited for a visit also can’t keep their lovey dovey hands off of each other, which is uncomfortable for roommates, cashiers at the grocery store, professors, pastors and the guy at the bookstore who yells “GET A ROOM!” as you’re straddling each other in the chemistry section.

2. When you talk on the phone, make sure to tell each other every single detail of your day.  There is nothing more exciting than hearing that your love-bucket had to use the 1% milk at Starbucks this morning because the non-fat canister was empty but they were in a hurry so they didn’t have time for the barista (who’s name was Steven with a ‘v’ and not a ‘ph’ and looked really familiar but they’re not sure from where) to refill the non-fat canister and it nearly ruined their day.  The only thing better than hearing every minute detail that has no relevence to you, is hearing EVERY detail EVERY day.

3. Use technology to your advantage.  Constantly text and call each other to the point where you literally don’t have time for anything else.  You used to have to wait days for mail to go back and forth, but with texting, picture messaging, iMessaging, BBM, AIM, Hey Tell, phone calls, Facebook messages, Facebook wall posts, Facebook tags, Twitter, You Tube and Skype, you can utilize ALL these communication mediums at the same time and never spend a second apart!  This works especially well with long-distance relationships in college, because you won’t even have time to do those other cool things or meet all those other awesome people who might distract you from your true love!

4. Make the other person remember how great you are.  Sometimes when you’re apart from your significant other for a while, they can forget why it is they fell in love with you in the first place.  Don’t just send them flowers or beer to remind them, TELL THEM.  Communication is key in relationships, so tell them about all those girls that were trying to hook up with you at the party last night, or how your new guy friend you had lunch with told you how beautiful you were.  They need to appreciate what they have!

5. Don’t just talk,  DO something while you talk!  Couples that do together, stay together.  Try Skyping your boyfriend and bringing him with you to dinner in the cafeteria with your roommates.  Or maybe bring your virtual girlfriend to the bathroom with you while you go number 2 instead of that issue of Cosmo you found laying around.  It’s like you two are practically together!

6. Send care packages.  Everyone likes mail, so try sending a package with some of these items sure to win them over:

7. Don’t be faithful all the time.  This is the single most important tip to keeping sparks in your relationship.  If your lover thinks you may be with someone else, they WILL want you more.  Everyone has seen that someone who isn’t very good looking and blow them off, and then you see them the next day with that smokin’ babe and they look a whole lot more interesting.  The same principal works in long distance relationships.

The Hoof Talk On the Streets

New Cal Poly News Blog Goes Viral

The Hoof's homepage with all of it's content.

SAN LUIS OBISPO, CA – A new news blog galloped into the cyberworld at record speeds following its launch earlier this week.

The Hoof has received over one million hits per day since its Tuesday launch, and is claiming to be “Cal Poly’s Finest News Source.”

“The Hoof is an improvement over the Mustang Daily, The Tribune, and The New York Times in both readership and awesomeness,” said Eve Teitelbaum, a second year Journalism major who created the blog,  “Cal Poly students, SLOcals, Congressmen, and Americans alike are getting their most important and reliable news from The Hoof.”

In its first two days, the blog has reached national attention and has even been endorsed by Steve Jobs and Walter CronkiteThe Hoof has no content yet, but is said to feature field interviews, investigative pieces and expert commentary on things that may or may not happen.

Juliet Knox, a Cal Poly second year biomedical engineering major thinks that the blog and the craze surrounding it is “F(#^*#g  sh&(*y because there’s nothing on the [darn] blog besides a picture of a f*&#&g* horse.”

Despite the lack of content, there is already somewhat of a cult following to the site.

“My friends and I haven’t slept in 48 hours because we can’t stop reading…well looking at…The Hoof.  I haven’t done any of my AP homework and I probably won’t get into college now, but its worth it,” said Simone Faith, a high school senior from Orange County.

Maher’s defaced issue of the latest Mustang Daily.

Faith isn’t alone.

“It’s difficult to remember how I ever found joy before The Hoof,” said Tara Maher, a second year Cal Poly English major, “The Mustang Daily just didn’t satisfy my needs.”

Along with the popularity of the blog, Hoof field reporter Cornish Pastries has experienced an instant rise to fame.  A week ago Pastries was a Cal Poly student with very few friends, who spent his time giving Cribs style tours of his home to himself and yelling at WOWies through car windows. Today he is the most “liked” celebrity on facebook, and has more twitter followers than Morgan Freeman.

“It’s mind blowing,” said Pastries, “Girls wouldn’t look at me before, and now there’s a literal line out my door of girls trying to get up on this [grabs his male parts].”

The Hoof has big plans for future stories and expansion, said Teitelbaum,  “I’d just like to thank all of The Hoof‘s followers, and promise that you will not be disappointed with what is in store.”

The Hoof On the Streets