Tag Archives: Ironic

The Best Halloween Costumes For You

What are you going to be for Halloween? Don’t tell me you’re one of those people who “don’t believe” in dressing up. We’ve heard all the excuses; I’m too old, I don’t have any ideas, I’m broke, I’m way too cool. Where’s the fun in that? This is college, and your Halloween costumes (we all know Halloween isn’t just one night anymore, it’s an entire weekend) are crucial.  The Hoof has put together this list of costumes that includes cheap and easy ideas for just about everyone and their mothers.

If you want to look provocative:

We’ve all been there. We want to be in the Halloween spirit, but we also want to look sexy enough to make some jaws drop. In the 2004 movie mean girls, Lindsay Lohan’s protagonist Cady makes the observation that Halloween is the one night a year when girls have an excuse to dress provocatively and “no other girls can say anything.” So ladies?  Here’s a few ideas:

  • Sexy Pumpkin (Because what’s sexier than a pumpkin…?)

  • Sexy Sponge Bob Square Pants (Ruining childhood memories, one square mini-skirt at a time.)

  • Sexy Mother Teresa (Naughty AND nice, anyone?)

Some other sexy ideas:

  • Sexy bus driver
  • Sexy French maid
  • Sexy French fry
  • Sexy prostitute
  • Sexy hobo
  • Sexy Ketchup bottle
  • Sexy menorah
  • Sexy Musty the Mustang
  • Naked (It’s only a matter of time before one friend tries to out-slut the other.)

If you don’t care what you look like as long as it isn’t G-rated:

You’re that guy.  You love attention, you love to party, and you think a giggle and an eye roll from one of the aforementioned girls looking at your costume will get you exactly what you want.  And you’re probably right.  Try these on for size:

Sperm (If you ever feel worthless, remember you were once the fastest sperm out of millions.)

Plug and Socket Couples Costume (This one is sure to shock a crowd.)

A Sex Organ (Ew, why do these costumes exist?)

If you’re too cool and ironic to dress up:

Halloween was so 4th grade.  And even then, you were too cool to dress up.  You’re so over this.  Now you’re conflicted because you’re too cool for a costume, but it would be so ironic to dress up, which would actually increase your level of cool.  Thankfully stores that are so trendy that they’re mainstream like Urban Outfitters and American Apparel know exactly how you feel.  Check it:

  • Nudist On Strike (Get it? You STILL don’t have to dress up.  So ironic.)

  • World’s longest beard (Because what hipster doesn’t love a good beard?)

If you think you’re really punny:

Every costume is way too cliche.  You don’t want to be a cat, a super hero or a cast member from Jersey Shore.  You have to gain respect with your intellectual friends while still having a good time and embracing your inner nerd spirit.  Here are some ideas:

  • A gold-digger (Wear all gold and carry a shovel.  Kanye has a song about it, so you know it’s awesome.)
  • A Drag Queen (Print out a picture of the Queen of England and attach it to a piece of cardboard.  Tie the cardboard to your leg with rope, and let her drag on the floor behind you.  So creative.)

If you want to be “that one a$$ hole” at the party:

There’s always one.  That guy who’s costume is just a little too far over the edge, but at the same time it’s the only one people remember in the morning.  It may be offensive and not entirely P.C., but you’re guaranteed a reaction.  And probably at least one drink poured on your head.

  • Muammar Gaddafi (Everyone’s favorite deposed supreme psycho dictator.)

  • A Republican Presidential Candidate (Put on a suit, an American flag pin and walk around saying whatever is on your mind.  Who knows, you might even end up an actual candidate!)

  • The other 1% (Represent exactly what Occupy Wall Street is demonstrating against.)


What are you going to be for Halloween?